system pixies - a plural's personal site

One of us did something last night that wasn't too well thought out. It was a "because I could" moment, and surprisingly easy. While done in good fun and with no harmful intent, it likely won't be seen that way by outsiders. We're not sure what to do about this yet and it's causing us some anxiety.

We could tell close friends about it now, early on, and hope they'll understand that our loyalty lies with them, with the possibility that they won't understand and will distrust if not disown us.

We could choose to back out of it quite easily at this point without attracting too much notice. This is probably the best option for the system. But the one who did the deed, enjoys the status it brought her, and the thrill of "getting away with it".

We could keep going, keeping secret even from our close friends, until... when? The secret must come out at some point; it is written into our story. And then risk losing our friends. No. This option is not viable; we will not risk losing our friends.

What was planned, would have worked. It was low-profile enough not to be misconstrued as a threat. What did happen was not well-planned. Deception was involved; again, deception was written into her character. Deception of the rivals, to be sure; yet also deception of our friends, by omission.

We pledge our allegiance to the group of friends who is almost like a family to us. The ones we talk to. The ones we stop talking to others to pay attention to. We absolutely will not do anything to harm them.

We have more pixies. I guess it was inevitable. IMO, though, they were created in a healthy way. Not listing them in the 'personalities' section of this site because there's no good way to do that without compromising our privacy, since the new ones interact with outsiders. Just putting on record that we've acquired a few more.

And a reminder for all of us pixies:
Girls, please try not to do anything to upset one another. We all have to live in the same body. Thank you.
~Lita

gah! i'm flipping out over a boy. i -hate- being so paranoid-delusional! i'm afraid he's not talking to me because i went away too long so now he thinks i don't consider him important. but i -know-, logically, the most likely option is he just went to sleep! and i hate feeling this way. :(

it's not only the not talking; it's that he -did- message me twice, but the first time just to say "that's ok" that i'd been gone so long, and the second time he sent me a voice clip that my messenger client can't play, so i don't even know what he said, and he didn't answer in text anymore. so that's why it feels different than if he were just afk, because i messaged him right after he messaged me both times and then he never said anything back. :(

and it's not like we're even in a relationship. i shouldn't be this upset when he doesn't talk to me.

~pixie

We're in the bathroom, a woman goes into the stall next to us and says "God, it stinks in here!" And I'm wanting to say, "Look, lady, this is a bathroom, it's here for us to put our stink so it doesn't get all over everywhere else!" That made the kids giggle and they wanted me to post so here it is.

-VRG

I don't like having to switch between a solitary mindset and a social mindset. Both are good in their right time, but it takes a little while to switch, and it's annoying and energy-depleting to have to keep switching back and forth!

Yesterday I had solitary time and stuff planned for it. It made me happy. Then a friend asked to come over. I was ambivalent, but said ok. By the time I got into the mindset that, ok, I was going to be social, the friend said he couldn't come. I was bummed, because I was in social mode. It took over an hour (of "wasted" time!) to get back into solitary mode. I was about to go do the stuff I had planned, when he said he could come over. Gah! Being a dolt, I said ok. I had to give up my fun solitary stuff and switch back into social mode again. I never really switched back completely though, so I kept complaining about all sorts of things to my friend, and felt like the evening was wasted.

Note to self: If you have some good stuff planned for expected solitary time, it is totally ok to say no to someone who wants to be social with you during your planned solitary time. In fact, saying no is preferable, so you don't end up resenting your friend and straining the friendship.

She who's in control doesn't want to be. I don't want to be in control, because I don't want to be bossy/domineering. But,
1. An opposite of being in control is being controlled. Another opposite of being in control is being out of control, and that's what we are, and I don't like that option, either. Given a choice between the two, being in control is the better option.
2. As crazy as it sounds, I was born to lead. If I don't take control, I'm not fulfilling my purpose. Again, taking control is the better option.

By "out of control", I don't mean in a dangerous way. Just adrift, lackadaisical. For some that's a valid pleasant way to go through life, but we want more from life. It's time to take back control assume the responsibility of being in control of my self.

I keep having daymares about getting arested and sent to jail or put in a mental hospital. Handcuffs hurting my back and people touching me and I get in trouble if I say no and anything I do it just gets worse. :(

Beauty is a curse and a crutch. Were I plain, I would have learned by now to be self-reliant. To be comfortable meditating, putting myself to sleep, finding inner peace. To be comfortable being with myself.

This is not "poor me, pity me for being born with good looks." No, I'm not saying that. It is, rather, a reminder to myself that I need to motivate myself to look within for support, comfort, and security.

Even if they aren't the most interesting, instantly gratifying thoughts I could be having at the moment, reprogramming my thought patterns will pay off in the long run.

Something came up yesterday that I needed to talk to my SO about, but it wasn't a good time for him to talk. Instead of getting antsy and angsty about whether or not I needed to tell him *right then*, and if not, obsessing over when I'd next get a chance to tell him, I let it go. I thought, "Is this something he needs to know right this minute? No." And reminded myself I'm not "keeping it from him" by not telling him right then; it was merely an inopportune time, and I made a judgment call that it could wait.

Today he wasn't online for a while, and I wasn't sure if it was a good time when we started talking, and I got a little antsy about it, but I reminded myself again that it's ok to wait and tell him tomorrow, if he's stressed right now. And I was ok with that. Then it turned out it was an ok time to talk, so I proceeded to tell him.

Yaaayyyyy, go me! I am so frickin proud of myself I could burst! This line of thinking for me is a *huge* step in the right direction!

~pixie